Well, some good news. Got it to the shop (towing covered by insurance, yay), they ran diagnostics, looks like the only problem is a bad battery. And, since I got the battery at Batteries Plus, there is a 1-year warranty, so I can get the battery replaced for free. Yes, it's a maintenance-free battery.
Bike's electrical system is good. So I should be up and running this weekend! Woots!