Proper tool Discriptions & Usages... - Kawasaki Vulcan 750 Forum : Kawasaki VN750 Forums
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-22-2010, 03:37 PM Thread Starter
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Proper tool Discriptions & Usages...

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh--!'

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper..

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

SON-OF-A-BITCH TOOL: (A personal favorite!!) Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a BITCH!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

Its Winter...lol...
Have a good one...Old Dog...

Southern Central Tennessee.......
Now on the Dark Side......
Girl's Bike 09 Sporty xl 1200 Custom...33k + & clickin......
Sportster Owner/Rider since age 72...lol... Rider since Simplex...???
09-xl1200 "C" Vivid Black, Cast wheels w/19" Frt., SE-Stage 1+, X14iEDs...
MicroTach +, Higher wider H-bars, GPS Mt., Mustach bar Hwy. pegs...
Viking Shock cutout Saddlebags, Rear Mt. Signal Lt. Kit, Fork Brace...
RoadKing Air Shocks, Mustang Seat, Progressive Fork Springs...
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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-22-2010, 03:50 PM
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roflmao

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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-22-2010, 04:17 PM
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man those definitions are so true.
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-22-2010, 04:19 PM
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^xxx2!

I'm keepin' all the left over parts. I'm gonna use 'em to build another bike!
_____________________________________________
"Black Beauty"
1989 VN750 acquired December, 2008, 6,711 miles
Currently 23,298 miles

Old Blue
2001 Honda CMX250 Rebel acquired July, 2008

1987 VN750 project bike, acquired August, 2009, 33,000 miles and balancer sticking out of the case, currently awaiting attention and parts
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-22-2010, 05:17 PM
Ba dum dum, ching...
 
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OD,
That's hysterical! (mostly because it's so true)

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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-22-2010, 05:28 PM
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That must be the 6th time I have seen the list and use of tools. But I read it and laugh every time, because 90% of them have happened to me at least once!

Gordon

1991 VN 750 -"Cosmic Lady" or "Bad Girl"?
Purchased May 16, 2008
Approx.19,300km (12,000 miles)

H-D windshield
Relocated R/R
MF-AGM battery
Fiamm Freeway Blaster horns
F&S luggage rack and engine guard
Kury Offset Hiway pegs
July 13, 2016, Riding on the DARKSIDE now, Classic Radial 165/80-15


TOP TEN THINGS A NEW RIDER/OWNER SHOULD DO. Click on link.
https://www.vn750.com/forum/11-vn750-general-discussion/9127-top-ten-items-you-would-suggest-new-owner-do-his-new-ride.html
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-23-2010, 01:50 AM
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That list ROCKS! I've never seen it before...I guess I don't get out much. Thanks for sharing it with us Old Dog!

2003
Name: "Bike"
*Battery connected at both ends!
*Real air in the tires
*New Registration sticker
*Seat wiped off
*Low AND Hi beam headlight!
*New #1157 tail light bulb
*Brake pedal still on the right
*Custom valve stem caps made from black plastic!
*Custom built ignition key from Kawasaki
Does anybody really care?

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car"
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-23-2010, 03:47 AM
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Been There, Done That.... /cries

The journey is the destination.

2006 VN750 (SOLD)
63160 miles
Mustang seat
R/R Relocate
MCCT
MF Battery
Red spark plug wires
Stainless Steel brake lines
Stiffer fork springs
Windshield
Givi bags, Wingrack mount
Voltmeter
GPS Mount
Pashnit sticker!
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-23-2010, 09:50 AM
Simple Solutions
 
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lol oh the painful memories



Stator #3
MF AGM
DeGoated
Ears Shaved
R/R relocated
Rebuilt



She's worth her weight in GOLD
If u dont have it already Here is the Service Manual
How To Test the Stator
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